When God makes us wait, it always seems like an eternity. No one likes to be told to wait, especially in today's fast-paced lifestyle
After my fiancé was killed in a car accident I was devastated. I took some time to heal; I was so angry at God, not just for the grief I was in but also because I had waiting so long to finally get married. I remember lying in bed and screaming at God saying, “I’m not waiting for three years to meet someone else again!”
God healed me quickly, and I began my waiting process. I did not take it well. Each day, with disappointment after disappointment, I became depressed and angry. I was paralysed by fear and worried that the waiting would never end. I often worried that nothing would ever be better than it was before. So many times, I came close to giving up. Just when it looked like a breakthrough was on the horizon, something always happened and discouragement set in.
I remember complaining about waiting on God to my family once. Their response was the same as everyone else’s “God does things in his own time.” I hated hearing people tell me that. I didn’t want to accept the fact God does things on his own time, partially because I felt that God’s time was slow and I wanted things to happen immediately. I had no patience and I was in this mindset that I was entitled to blessings because of what had happened to me.
Though I knew my family was right, I just didn’t want to accept it. God very much does have a set time for everything as it’s described in the book of Ecclesiastes, but I started trying to earn my blessing. “If I just pray like this, God will bless me,” or “If I just have enough faith, I will get what I want.” I did this for a long time throughout my time of waiting for my husband. I also just stopped listening to God in general and got on dating apps, trying to make things happen faster for myself. People also gave me terrible advice, and it discouraged me even more. “Oh, God will give you someone, you may have to date a lot of men, but you’ll find the one.” My heart was crushed and I was so confused. God was telling me to wait on him, while everyone else was telling me that I needed to get out and find a man immediately.
“It’s just Satan,” I’d tell myself as I sat there in my tears begging God to end this misery. Finally, I realised that trying to do earn things from the Lord wasn’t working out and that I was being selfish. I wanted a husband more than I wanted God, so I surrendered. I gave up trying to do things my way, and started letting God do things His way. I was terrified at first because I like to know when and how things are happening. This time was different, I had to trust God with all of my heart. I was being tested, and from what I’ve learned, the waiting season can be a test. When we finally give up our way and start doing things God’s way, waiting becomes substantially easier.
When I let God do things His way, instead of me trying to do it, I felt peace. I was happy again and focused on other parts of life. We miss so much by only focusing on what we don’t have. After all, God promised me a husband. Waiting is for our own good. Yes, it’s painful, but it creates endurance and strength. If we never had to wait on a blessing, we’d never appreciate it when we received it.
Rest assured, that if you’re still waiting, it will pass and keep waiting with expectation. Psalm 5:3 “In the morning, LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”