My heart has been hurting for all those who have been facing injustices. The truth is, my heart has been hurting by what I’ve seen and heard.
I now see the picture of Moses much clearer now, when he saw a fellow oppressed Hebrew being beaten by an Egyptian (Exodus 2:11) and Moses decided to take matters into his own hands.
I see it. I hear him.
I do not condone violence or Moses killing the Egyptian, but I see him and I hear him.
This is similar to the way God heard the cries of those who were under the Egyptian slavery: He heard, He saw, and He moved.
God's heartbeat was and is never lacking or missing. His love extends to justice. True love honors truth and reality, and decides the best possible action. True love is truly God's because He sees all sides of the situation and He IS love.
I have a hard time hearing people say: "All lives matter", as if they are brushing off the injustice of the lives of black people. I have a hard time seeing Christians brush over this GLOBAL cry for justice for black people and make countless excuses as to why they have not spoken about it. I have a hard time being put as an expectation to be an emotional support about Black Lives Matter for someone who has white privilege whilst I have seen that in their day to day life when they saw injustice against a black person they never mentioned it until it became a hashtag. It saddens me when people use the excuse that they have a black friend, family member, or black partner, and that is why they cannot possibly be racist. It saddens me when other people of color think they are better because their color is lighter. It hurts when people you see brush over the global outcry happening as if it's a regular day in the world. It breaks my heart and I'm sure it breaks God's heart.
Sometimes it's not just about having the masses come out and having a hashtag, although it's nice to have the "support". Sometimes it's about being aware of your day to day life and realizing what is going on all around you and being able to speak out or take action, even if you will be the "only one".
I relate to Moses. I was raised in another culture (in Switzerland and my background is Zimbabwean), a country outside of my own. It is a gift I could not re-pay, as these experiences have shaped who I am. At the same time, I understand that being a third culture kid came with discovering my identity in a whole different way: getting "compliments" such as "your English is so good" or "where did you learn to speak like that", never ceased to amaze me and I often wondered if they thought less of the people from my country or they perceived "their" English to be the greater on a spectrum of accents, or that their English was a litmus test of humanity.
I have not faced some of the horrifying atrocities some of the people we are seeing on tv have faced (which do not make my experiences or any one else’s any less as there is always a starting point for any behavior), but I have faced times when the kid in school asked me about my hair or the random person asking me if it’s my hair. I have faced the kid in school saying or singing the N word as if he were cool. I have faced the micro-aggressions where I speak up with ideas but a manager answers back with brushing off my ideas and then using the same ideas as if they were his own, or giving me different answers than he did to my white colleagues. I have faced people from Africa but are white and assume that they now know all there is about black people. I have faced people who date a black man and assume they are now fully familiar with what being a black person is like. I have have faced the girl who is half black and half white and thinks their way of thinking is the standard for black people or uses their black side when it benefits them. I have faced walking in a store and security following me around or not wanting to be near items "in case they think I will steal", or the random girl at the office making me feel awkward by always looking at me when I'm around things or when I leave my work station. I have faced the shock of hearing a girl in 7th grade telling me she will marry a light skinned man because she did not want dark babies as if it were a normal statement like what to eat for lunch and even though true beauty is not found in a color.
You get idea - and I use that loosely.
I began to understand why my heart was so heavy. It was the build up, and the season of remembering the moments of racial aggressions, the ignorance or racism that had taken a seat - uninvited.
There is no way to sugar coat this. Yes I have also had pure good times, where I can laugh until my stomach hurts, but this is not what this is about. This is about those who are continuously suffering, and the continual abuse of those who believe that they are better than black people: occurring directly or indirectly, and those who continue to abuse their power and privilege.
Revenge does not help, as we see with Moses, so I release my hurts back to God daily, knowing He has a way to do this. I do know that God has been speaking to me that he hears and he deeply cares. I believe that this year of 20 20 Vision has been eye opening for many, and will continue to be. I have had to look to see who is responding, who is using this as a mere campaign or a mask, who deeply cares and who could care less. Some hope things will go back to "Normal" but the reality is, what we had was not normal. What is normal is a world were there is justice and were we understand that no human being is better or less than the other - so I sure pray it will not go back to that former "normal".
I also have a problem with Christians who state that all this is just a heart issue and all we need to do is pray, or who just slap on their bumper sticker verse that says we are all one nation or that there is no Jew or Gentile - with no other actions. If you had a child and at school they were being bullied, I'm sure that not all you will do is to just say it's a heart issue, pray, and continue letting your child be exposed to that. If your child was being bullied, you would take various measures, you would speak with them and ask them how it's affecting them, you would speak to teachers, get more information, you would advocate for that child and if you see it's a systemic aspect, you would speak to the principle and perhaps even take your child out of school if it resulted to that.
In this, I have also understood that sometimes I put my expectations on others who are not black, and that I had expected more. This is not for all people who are not black, but some who I thought would be the ones to speak out first and fast. So I've had to apologize: I have had to apologize to myself for putting someone on a pedestal as I understand that situations reveal what's in the heart and where ones' priority lie. I have had to apologize to God for areas I had put someone else higher than Him. I have had to look at life more soberly than ever before, which is a good thing: these are hard truths and realities that are coming out, and with it, is accompanied by hard actions. But I have also had hope pour in during times of trouble, in times of uncertainties. Times when I hear about another shooting, or when I get exhausted over these micro aggressions or people pretending that they care when they do not. I have seen God move and swoop in. I have had him rearrange my expectations to understanding whose I am and who He is. I have seen Him raise black leaders to move and take leadership even when it's hard. I have seen Him join people from all parts of the world to form a movement.
Also, If you are a Christian - politics pertain to you. History pertains to you, the current pertains to you. Yes you are a spiritual being, but right now you also have a body and are on earth. These things pertain to YOU. YOU are called as a vessel and you are to ask God what your part is. Over-spiritualization is dangerous and a road for deception. I go HARD for God, but I realize what kind of world I live in and the darkness that is in it. I go hard on my knees so that I am empowered when I am standing. It's not always easy, no one ever gave that false promise, but if God is for you, nothing can prevail against, be it immediately, or in the days to come. This is the same way that I cannot write about Black Lives Matter without associating it with my faith, because my faith affects who I am. Politics also affects us all, and the system also affects us: We as HUMANS HAVE to CARE, we have to do and be BETTER. Black Lives DO Matter.